7th June 2003 --> my day started real badly.

i woke up at 12+, sleepy headed, wondering y on earth my mom was in my room (my bro as usual is at de com)
she started complaining abt de problems we started having ever since my grandma came over to stay (indefinitely) and how our fucking relatives happily got their way of pushing dat "poor old lady" to us.. if u tink i'm mean, come live wif my grandma.

some of de things i really cant stand abt her:

1. she takes longer to wash up and clean her dentures than me taking my bath, which is approximately 30min. to add on to dat she keeps de tap going on full blast while she does dat EVERY NIGHT b4 she goes to bed. needless to say, she takes twice as long to shower.. so do i need to explain why our water bill has exploded?!?!

2. she takes note of every action we make and listens to our conversations, and tell em all to our fucking relatives. wad a bitch.

3. she complains abt de slightest thing, even when it isn't true/relevant. esp abt de maid. get a life.

4. she's diabetic and semi-wheelchair bound and she tinks she can eat everything and anything. she wants to die faster, so be it.

my mom is really carrying a very heavy burden now, and my dad isn't doing anything to help. in fact, he's been brainwashed and siding wif de fucking relatives. all de things she has done for de family, ever since she married my dad she's been bullied by them all. fucking bastards. i've nvr met anyone as despicable, as low-down, as selfish, as greedy, as everything bad as THEM. even i have suffered under their hands. cmon, it doesnt take a genius to undercover their secret desires. they throw de old woman here till she dies, so they only need to happily shirk their responsibility, jus visit her and buy her things to eat, the money which they CLAIM from de $ dat all de siblings contribute every mth. how clever. my mom has been spending every single cent of HER own money to buy food and stuff for dat old woman and nobody appreciates. u noe, dis is jus de tip of de iceberg. of de 18yrs i've been living, i've nvr experienced any sincere treatment from em. all dey did was for a motive, for their own advantage. can u believe it, dey even hav their own committee. wad bullshit.

and der i was, recalling all dat and telling my mom wad i thot abt THEM, and my mom telling me dat wad i said was buried in her heart all along for so many yrs. all stuffed in dat red bunch of muscles dat kept her alive, and it was all bursting out dat few secs.

i dun noe y, i jus brokedown and cried. perhaps it's bcuz of stress dat i've buried in my heart too and nvr expressed, or dat i cudnt stand those treatment anymore, or jus dat i dun ever want to listen to all those complaints which jus makes my life all de harder to bear. it made me feel a little better tho, except i dun tink my mum really understands wad i'm going thru rite now cos she didnt even complete her education.

after dis morning, i dun wanna tink abt THEM anymore. it jus makes me all de madder, and when i start, i dun stop. but i'm not a hypocrite. i dun pretend to lik THEM. for de sake of politeness i greet THEM, dat's it. i lock myself in my rm, doing my own business. wif de exception for a few relatives which really are not DE committee, i'm jus glad not all of EM are corrupt.

ok, so i had puffy eyes rite after i woke up, but i told myself i'd nvr do dis again, not until my heart cannot withstand it..